How to Write Good Dialogue That Sounds Real: Part Two

 How to Write Good Dialogue That Sounds Real: Part Two

Hello and welcome back to my dialogue mini-series! Last time, we covered the “As you know, Bob…” and Name Dropping specifics, and we are still on what type of dialogue that you want to fix/avoid. 

We will be going over 2 more types of dialogue to fix, and then after that… we have one more type of bad dialogue, and then after that we will be moving onto how to write good dialogue instead of just stuff to try and avoid.

On-the-nose Dialogue(and Drama)

This type of dialogue is where the characters are very… obvious, on-the-nose, or just… not realistic in the sense that the characters are being straight forward to a ridiculous degree.

By this I mean: If Character A asks Character B why they are made at A, is B really going to say, I’m mad at you because you missed thirteen of my calls after I got into a car crash?

No! At least, not realistically. Maybe B shouts something similar, but certain emotions, even when explaining, typically influence the dialogue style, and most characters just aren’t that straight-forward with each other, because real people typically aren’t.

Along with this, most on-the-nose dialogue has a tendency towards being over-dramatic. A lot of exclamation points, adjectives that match the mood, and big gestures, that kind of stuff. Like what you see on low-budget TV Dramas. 

Here is an example of an on-the-nose conversation:

“Analise, please, why are you so mad at me today?” Travis frowned at his friend and crossed his arms across his chest.

Analise huffed and mimicked his stance, eyes angry. “Because!” Her voice was raised, and Travis winced. “You ignored me all week just because I told you that I wasn’t going to go to your stupid football games! I have a life, you know!” 

As you can see, Travis is pretty straightforward about asking Analise why she’s mad at him– that is not the main issue, a lot of people have a tendency to ask straightforward questions. The issue is Analise’s response. 

There are all exclamation points to end her sentences, and it also is incredibly dramatized, with Analise stating that she’s angry because she told Travis she wasn’t going to go to his football games, and he ignored her. 

Maybe you would shout something like this after some more prodding, but realistically, something closer to this would happen:

“Analise, please, why are you so mad at me today?” Travis frowned at his friend and placed a hand on her desk.

Her head was bent over a book, and she seemed intent on ignoring him. “Ana?” He prodded, and he reached out and poked her book with his finger. 

She snapped it closed and looked up at him with a mild huff. “What?” Her voice was prickly, and Travis winced. 

“What did I do to make you so huffy with me?” Travis traced his finger across the desk and watched the teacher out of the corner of his eye.

She scowled at him. “Seriously? You have no idea?” She made a half-disappointed, half-annoyed face at him and went back to reading.

This snippet is much more believable in a real-life context. When people are asked about why they feel a certain way—especially relating to a negative emotion—they tend to clam up and avoid answering the question, or say very little as to why they feel the way they do.

Analise is clearly annoyed about something. What? We don’t know. But we can infer that it is related to something that Travis did, because of his questions, and Analise’s response to him: annoyance and ignorance.

Same Speech Syndrome

This can be tricky to get out of, especially for newer writers. Same speech syndrome is where all your characters sound the same.

Now, if all your characters are formal royals, there will still be a difference in speech. Every person uses different words inherently– your characters should do this too.

Here is an example of same speech syndrome:

“Father, may we go to eat?” The young boy tugs on his father’s waistcoat insistently. 

“Yes, Father, please may we eat?” His sister pesters, peering up at her father with big eyes.

See how they sound the same? They use the same words, and similar sentence structure. If there was no action after the dialogue, you would have no way of knowing who said what.

The opposite is also a thing to avoid. If you have characters that speak with heavy contractions or terrible English(by this I mean: a new speaker– broken English is fine, but purposefully bad English for the sake of it being bad is a no).

Here’s what I mean: 

Colt crossed his arms and leaned against his dusty old pickup truck, surveying the damage. “Y’all’dn’t’ve done somethin’ if one of youses parents had been around, hmm?” 

Sora stared at him in confusion before looking towards CiCi for help. “He say what?” She asked in a heavy accent.

We have two different ends of the spectrum: A Texan and a non-English speaker. Contractions aren’t a bad thing, as long as you don’t do the Texas version of ‘you all would not have’ like I did there. Minor ones like can’t and shouldn’t are fine, though.

For the non-English speaker or broken English, do not put it there for diversity or just to have a character type. That character needs to be more than just a person to fill a role, and if they’re role is the Native Russian character or Middle Eastern character, have them be more than just their archetypes.

Now, let’s fix both of these examples, starting with the first one.

“Father, may we go eat?” The little boy tugged insistently on the hem of his father’s waistcoat with a pout.

His younger sister joined him in staring pleadingly at their father. “Please, Father? Please can we eat?” 

It’s not too much of a difference, but even that little bit is enough to make it clear that the little boy and his sister have different speech patterns. Even just changing two words from the original sentence can make it obvious that someone else is speaking.

Now, for Colt and Sora.

Colt crossed his arms and leaned against his dusty red pickup truck, surveying the damage with a sigh. “Y’all wouldn’t have done nothing like this if your parents had been here, hmm?” 

Sora’s brow furrowed as she parsed out Colt’s words before giving up and turning to CiCi for help. “What he say?” She asked in a thick accent. She paused and snapped her fingers. “Oh! No, sir.” She shook her head.

See how Colt still keeps his contractions, but they aren’t as bad as earlier? And how Sora tries to understand Colt even speaks, yes in broken English, but still tries to understand Colt’s words instead of just giving up?

…and there it is! Part Two of my Dialogue Mini-Series! If you have yet to read Part One, make sure to check it out, and if you’re new here, check out some of my other blogposts, and check out my YouTube channel!